5, 6.
Stop.
Good morning, Mr. Marquis.
Good morning.
He's awake!
NOISE AND INDISTINCT VOICES
Mr. Marquis, would you like some delicacies that someone brought in?
Yes, please, but no plums. Last week they caused my stomach to grumble
while I was in bed with Countess Esmeralda. What a shame!
- What have they brought today? - Apples, peaches, medlars.
- Where's my mother? - She's gone to Mass.
- Good morning, Mr. Marquis. - Hi.
- Are these peaches "giallone"? - They're "spaccarelle". - Good!
- Good morning, Mr. Marquis. - Good morning!
- Rosi', here's a "spaccarella"! - Thanks!
- Rosina looks very pretty. - Yes.
Here they are.
Here, people. Take these delicacies!
- Here! - Thanks. - Be good, there's fruit for everyone!
Take them. Here!
Here! There are so many beggars!
- They come here every morning! But what do they want? - They want free food!
- Do they? - If you keep giving them fruit, they'll never go away!
You think so, Riccio'?
However there is fruit and fruit!
- This is fruit as well. - Of course. - Look.
Here, people. Take these pine-cones!
- He's throwing pine-cones at us! - Let's run!
- Son of a bitch! - Here! See Riccio'? They left!
Beggars are never satisfied.
- Pine-cones hurt, but it was fun. - Indeed. - Good morning, Camilla.
Wait...
- How doest it smell? - It doesn't. - That's impossible.
Why do you ask me then?
Riccio', smell my sister's breath.
- How does it smell? - It doesn't. - Good morning. - Pompeo, where are you going?
- Pompeo! - Have you seen don Sabino? - Maybe he's in the chapel.
- I have to go to confession. - You did it earlier. - New stuff!
- See you later, Onofrio. - Camilla, Don't you worry.
- Wake up, Riccio'. - Your sister had a dead mouse in her mouth!
- You didn't smell anything? - I did, but I don't want to give her satisfaction.
- Good morning, Onofrio. - How are you, Rambaldo?
- Can I ask you for a favour? - Have you seen my mother? - She's in the balcony.
- Only you can help me. - What's wrong?
The papal officials who aren't from Rome
have to return to their home towns. I have to return to Macerata!
- With your family? - Yes. - My sister too?
Wives have to follow their husbands. But she has a weak stomach!
- Today there's sewer in her mouth! - Her breath is a bit bad...
- Like a sewer! Riccio', what was in her mouth? - A dead mouse.
- What do you need? - You know the French,
could avoid us the transfer? - Of course, consider it done!
- Really? - Yes. - Can I count on it? - Count on it, you are my family!
- Don't worry, I'll fix you all. - Thanks, Onofrio. - Not at all!
Impure deeds are harmful to the body and mind. But are you repented?
- To be repented is important. - I am, but then...
- But you come here for the same sin every half an hour! - Don Sabino!
Absolve him once every three times he does it!
- That's a great idea! - As they say, "do it yourself, it's three times better"...
Get closer.
Kneel down.
I'm absolving you you three times!
- Aronne Piperno! - Excellence! - How is the work going?
- This is the last panel, then I'm done. - Good. Show me.
- Here. - That's nice! - Thank you.
Good job.
What a retouch! It's hardly noticeable.
- Congratulations. Bravo, Piperno. - Thank you, it's an honour to serve you.
If you're happy, that's the best pay for my job.
Thanks, Piperno but a job has to be paid for! Good morning, mother.
Have you heard about the French?
They want to bring a company of players
where the female characters will be played by real women!
- Instead of the castrated? - Yes, they're a horde of unbelievers!
Onofrio, why don't you ever come to the morning Mass?
You go to Mass when I'm sleeping!
Do you think that God should wait for you?
You go out with bad people every night!
Mother, what else could I do but sleep?
Our Genuflessa works all day. But, in fact, what does she do?
- I'm sewing a trousseau. - You met a man, then? - No.
How can you get married you if you're always sewing! You should wear the trousseau.
You should show off, my cousin! What have you got there? Put them on.
You'll get married if you wear these! Beautiful panties! Mother, have a look.
Give them to me. Come on!
All those tassels... And they're transparent too!
- Very well, Genuflessa! - Very well, Genuflessa.
and so you put on shameful panties to show your own calves?
Go to your room.
What a dirty girl! Who could ever say it...
No one would say it, but I think that she's full of stuff!
Mr. Marquis, a French officer has arrived.
- He says he's Captain... - He's Captain Blanchard.
- Let him wait. - A French officer in our house?
Mother, be good. He's a good boy.
He would like to assist to a ceremony with the Holy Father.
You must be crazy. You go with the French now?
They are God's enemies! They had their own King beheaded!
Twenty years ago! And maybe the Pope can convert him.
I have to go get ready, mother. I'm late.
If I am late, the Pope will have to walk. See you, mother.
> Mr. Marquis, lean out!
Not again!
Ricciotto, what do they want?
They are the ones you hit in the head.
Some of them got hurt, and now they want to be refunded.
They don't deserve anything. I've always given them money and good stuff before!
I was just joking, I'd never done it before!
But if they want money, they'll have it! Go get some "paoli".
Quick, I'm late!
- Go light the fire. - In this season?
- Don't ask. Just light it. - Alright.
Onofrio, this is the right time.
I have found evidence of two more miracles. There are ten of them now!
Now I can really have the beatification of Quartina instituted.
Uncle, not again with Quartina!
She's our ancestress, but why should she become a saint?
Whatever she foretold came true within twelve hours!
- What came true? - It's all here. Read.
- What? - Here's the money, Marquis. - Hand me a tray.
- What did Quartina do? - One day she was stung by a thorn
while picking up the roses for the altar.
She said: "You didn't want to offer yourself to the Holy Virgin
and you will die before night". - And?
- The day after that rose was dry. - Roses do get dry!
And when cat scratched her, she said:
"May you be cursed,
may you die before sunset."
And the cat died before sunset, while eating some fish.
Perhaps blessed Quartina brought bad luck!
Riccio', give me the tray.
Here Riccio', this one is ready.
Mr. Marquis!
I am sorry good people, I didn't mean to hurt you!
Here are some "paoli" to refund you all. Here.
Damn you!
Once they're cooled off, they'll pick them up!
Now we are even. Let's go to see the Pope.
Long live the Church!
Long live Pious Vll!
THE CROWD PRAYS IN LATIN
Oh, Marquis Del Grillo is here!
- Sorry, I didn't see the step. - Don't you know that "The world is a stairway"?
Yes, "some climb them, while others go down! "
- Be careful, or I'll make you tumble down Castel Saint Angelo's! - I will!
Blanchard, look at that!
Behind you is the heart of Christianity.
Look at the "cupolone".
What do you think, Blanchard? Impressive, wasn't he?
- Who? - The Pope!
Isn't he unique?
What impressed me was
to see some men carrying another man upon their shoulders
- like donkeys! - The Pope is not a man,
he's the representative of God on earth! You would do the same.
- No, I wouldn't! - Are you sure?
If Napoleon asked you to carry him upon your shoulders
wouldn't you do it?
Napoleon would never ask anybody for a similar thing.
See, if you say bad things about me and the Pope, I'll laugh.
- But if I say bad things about you and Napoleon, you'll get mad. - Me?
You and all the French!
- Do you know Napoleon well? - Yes. He never looks others in the eye.
- Is it true that he's a shorty? - Don't joke!
Napoleon can scare you with a look. If he says a word, he'll set you on fire,
- and you'll face the battle as if going to make love! - Love? You could get killed!
- Have you been in many battles? - More than 20. - Good!
The trumpets playing the position,
the sabres shining in the sun,
the gallopping horses!
Charge!
Give me that whip!
Give it to me!
THEY SING THE FRENCH ANTHEM
With such an anthem one is always ready to die.
With our anthem, instead: # We want God, the Virgin Mary...#
we can only go to the "Madonna of the Divine Love"!
To be worthy of an anthem like ours,
one has to behead a few Marquises Del Grillo like you.
- Then I'll keep my anthem! (SHOT)
What are you doing? Are you crazy?
- Don't worry. Come with me. - Get down! Purses out!
Get down.
- Go inside! - The church? - Yes.
- Walk. - Alright.
Blanchard, don't say anything. Keep silent.
> Mr. Marquis, is that you? - Don Bastiano?
Yes, Mr. Marquis, that's me!
Come here! You got scared, didn't you?
You shot!
- Now you go with the "Franzose"? - To me he isn't a French. He's just a man.
- I am a man's friend, not a French's. - I have understood.
As I am one of Napoleon's! May he die!
But he should be killed a hundred times. He's a tough one.
He's a self-made man, like me.
- I was a poor priest and now I'm a a ringleader! - He was a parson.
"Franzose", can you see the tree behind me?
You're lucky you're with Marquis.
If you had been alone, I would have sorted you out!
I would have crucified you right here
so you would have learned to respect God, the Madonna and the Saints.
Make the sign of the Cross, damn it!
- Make the sign of the Cross. - No.
Bastiano, tell us your story.
- I had two sisters. - A beautiful one and an ugly one.
- Are you going to tell it? - No, you will.
I had two sisters, one was beautiful.
The other one was ugly indeed,
however she was engaged and about to get married.
A Baron got the beautiful one pregnant.
She dishonoured us, and the ugly one's fiancé didn't want to marry her anymore.
What was I supposed to do?
I was a priest, but I was also the only male of the family!
I spent that night in hell, you have no idea...
- Then I did it. - He killed the Baron's cousin.
- His cousin? - Yes, a relative of his. - I had to do it.
Of course! The guilty Baron had gone to Naples,
and his cousin had his same blood!
I did it with good intentions.
Hey! Cross yourselves!
Blanchard, make the sign of the cross!
- Tell the Pope that he has to absolve me! - You know he can't.
- Why? - He said that a priest shouldn't kill, but forgive.
A priest should forgive and the Pope shouldn't?
Then I'll forgive myself.
I'm absolving myself.
Is it clear? I will always be a priest!
I say Mass, communicate, baptize, consecrate, confess and marry people!
- Do you want to get married Marquis? - Not now, Bastiano.
But if I decide to, I'll let you know. We have to go now.
Go, but be careful. There are dangerous gangs around here.
But don't worry, I'll protect you.
- May we go, then? - Go, you have my blessing.
- "Franzose", take your money back. - You can keep it.
You don't want it?
Of course he does! Take the purse, idiot.
- He wants it. - Good, "Franzose".
- Mr. Marquis, how about a snack? - No, thanks, we're going home.
Don't worry. Give him some pecorino cheese and a bottle of wine.
- I use it during the Mass. - Don't bother. - I insist!
Thanks for your hospitality. You have been kind, good-bye.
Good-bye, Mr. Marquis.
- Good-bye, Bastiano. - Good-bye, Mr. Marquis.
Mr. Marquis, if you see the Pope
tell him that one day I'll make a Bishop of myself! Is it clear?
Yes. I'll tell him, don't worry.
- See you. - Good-bye, Bastiano.
SHOTS
Listen, Blanchard.
But who is it?
It's Bastiano who guards and protects us.
- From the other brigands? - Here the brigands belong to the landscape.
- Is this land yours? - All is mine here. - Up to where?
I don't know, up to the sea.
We have arrived.
- That's wonderful! - You think?
It makes me sad, I never come here.
All is broken, demolished, abandoned.
That's why it's beautiful. Many painters would be happy here.
Really? Introduce them to me.
- It's an ideal place for a love meeting. - I know.
...Why do you think that the walls are all torn? Tiberio!
Tiberio!
Tiberio! Why is Tiberio away every time I come here?
- Where is Tiberio? - He died, Mr. Marquis. - When?
- In spring. - Poor thing!
- Tiberio belonged to the landscape too. Who are you? - I'm Livio, sir.
- Livio, take care of the carriage. - I will, Mr. Marquis.
There is a basket with some pecorino and a bottle of wine.
Bring us some fresh bread too. Let's Go.
Here is the old castle. It's open, get in, Blanchard.
- Mind your head, stones can fall from the roof. - What a beautiful hall!
It's all abandoned, no one guards it anymore.
Everything is still as it was when my poor dad was alive.
- Come. - It's beautiful. - I'll show you the rest of the house.
- Come, Blanchard. Come in. - Why is it so wrecked?
Nobody ever comes here, I never come here too.
- But it's beautiful, I like it. - Tonight you can sleep here.
- You want to spend the night here? - We'll light a fire
we'll roast something and then...
- There she is... - Who's that?
I know who she is!
- Ugly thing! Wake up! You don't have to sleep here! - Here!
Go away, ugly witch!
Go away!
Damn you! If I find you here again, I'll send you to the stake.
- Go away! - But why did you do that? Poor girl!
She's a witch, she casts spells.
- She is not a witch! - You don't believe in witches?
That is a witch.
Witches don't exist.
- Laugh! Do as you want! - You believe in witches like in the Middle Ages!
Come.
- Are all the rooms frescoed? - Yes, all of them.
- Who is the painter? - I don't know him, perhaps a student of Vasari's.
- But what are you doing? - We need it for the fire.
- We are making bruschetta. Do you like it? - With a 16th century armchair?
If I could, I'd break everything.
The hell with 16th, 17th and 18th centuries!
You French say: "Shit to the whole world."
My brother-in-law is from Macerata.
He's in the list of the officials who have to go away from Rome
by order of the your general Mionly. - ... and you want him to remain here.
- Don't worry, I'll speak with the general. - On the contrary!
I want him to leave. Make him leave immediately!
- Family problems? - It's a tragedy.
My sister's breath can kill the flies.
Macerata would be the minimum distance not to smell it anymore.
As you see, the noble have problems too.
- My brother-in-law is Count Rambaldo Vitelli. - Count Vitelli. Alright.
Help me, Blanchard. I will be grateful.
I'm asking for a big favour.
You're a French and I'm a Roman nobleman
but gratitude is the same everywhere
in Rome as in Paris.
We haven't known each other long, but I know you like me.
Help me, please.
If you had been born in my place, would you have made the revolution?
No, but at least I would have fought for it.
Every man has to have a purpose in the life, an ideal.
I like you, but you speak like a "Franzoso".
It is not easy to be born in a family like mine
here in Rome, wih the Pope, the Cardinals and the Holy Office.
When I was a boy, I had ideas.
I wanted to be a scientist, an explorer.
but I couldn't tell anyone!
My father never spoke to me. He only said: "Study and pray".
And my mother only told me to pray!
When my father died, I stayed with my mother,
and a preceptor taught me the catechism.
He used to spank me with a wand.
My butt was as red as a watermelon!
I found some comfort in reading. I had books everywhere.
Here too. Look, there are many books.
In summer I used to meet other children here.
We all read a lot. Some read the classics, others read books of adventure.
Then at night we dreamt.
Everything is still the same, Don Quixote, Voltaire.
- Have you read Voltaire? - Yes, I have. Why?
...I get easily bored
and so I annoy the others.
I've always liked to make jokes, and I still do.
When I go to sleep I am tired but I start again the morning after.
I only make jokes now, what else could I do, in Rome?
There are churches, domes, roofs, cats, beggars...
...and witches. > SOMEONE IS CHANTING
Come and see.
Looks at that one. Ugly and evil!
Ugly witch, filthy and infamous! Looks, she is casting the evil eye.
- Ugly and bald old woman! - She's a child! - She isn't!
If you don't give me some money, I'll make your testicles dry.
Wait, I'll throw you the money.
- Wait and you'll see! - Let her go ahead.
I want to see the devil coming out of the fireplace!
I'll show you the devil.
- What are you doing? - You'll see her jump.
I'll burn her hands. Come and see.
Here she is!
- Ugly and filthy old woman, here. - No, poor girl! - I want to burn her.
Come here. Grasp it.
Damn her! You didn't believe in witches.
Careful, She'll make our testicles dry for real! Let us touch wood!
Damn you!
- You wanted to cheat, didn't you? - There are no cheaters here.
No cheaters? And what's that card?
- I don't see anything. - Boy, call the police. - Leave me!
- Do you see something? - I don't care!
Good.
- I won't interfere! - Here nobody sees anything.
- I see it, instead. - Who are you?
Your eyes see invisible things!
- Show me your courage. - Here it is.
You come with me!
Stay here.
- Here they are! - The police! - What happened? What are you doing?
- Let go of my foot! - Good, Gaetano!
Alcohol over closing time, gambling and brawl.
You've asked for it! To prison.
- But I'm the one who called you! - Shut up, I came here on my own.
- What are you doing there? - He was defending himself.
- Why are you holding that foot? Whose foot is it? - Can't you see?
It's the body of evidence. This robber was cheating with his foot.
- He was handing cards. - Good! You'll go with the others.
No, wait!
I can be arrested only if Cardinal Vicar orders it.
I am Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo, duke of Bracciano, a noble officer
and a secret waiter of his Holiness Pious Vll. - Wow!
I am a General Commander in Rome, a close friend of Napoleon's
and I'll put you in jail for resistance to an officer of the Pope.
false generalities, unauthorized nobility. You've asked for it! To prison.
- What are you doing? - We're innocent!
- I was just watching! - Silence!
- What's happening here? - Everything is alright, Mr. Commissioner.
Luckily I have arrived in time.
Gambling, brawl and false generalities.
- Here they are! - Very well!
Mr. Marquis, what are you doing among these scoundrels?
What am I doing? You've asked for it!
- It's this idiot's fault! - Is it?
But are you drunk? You have arrested Marquis Del Grillo!
- He was with these robbers! - Can't you you tell a nobleman from a plebeian?
- You'll spend two months in prison! - He's a fool.
- I told him who I was! - Then you'll spend four months in prison!
- Forgive him, Your Excellence. All the others in jail. - But him.
- He's my servant, He's always with me. - Of course. - Let's go, Riccio'.
Riccio', go to check via dei Banchi Vecchi.
I'll reach you later. See you at dawn.
I'm sorry, but I am me and you are nothing!
He's making fun of us!
Stop here, Ubaldo.
Countess De Marchi, it was a beautiful party.
I am sorry, but I have to go now. Pardon me if I don't take you home,
but duty calls me! Bye, Cecilia. - Where are you going?
Don't worry about it! Bye, Cecilia.
Thanks for the beautiful evening.
- So? Are you done? - About to. Let me check if he's coming.
It's all wet! He'll notice it.
- Yesterday there was a shop here, the wall is fresh! - It doesn't have to be noticeable.
The owner doesn't have to notice anything, otherwise where's the fun?
Let the sign disappear!
Hurry up. You get the door.
- Riccio'! - Quick. - Hurry up.
- Let the donkey move! - He is arriving. - He is arriving!
Away!
Set the loo.
Go away!
Away!
But...
- But... - What are you doing? Peeping? - This is my shop!
No, it isn't! Don't peep, or I'll have you arrested.
But isn't this via dei Banchi Vecchi?
So what? Can't I piss in peace in via dei Banchi Vecchi?
You can piss where you like, but not at my shop.
You're drunk, here is a urinal, not your shop.
- But everything is wet! - Of course, I have pissed!
What happened? How can it be?
Last night it was here!
When he didn't see his shop he almost got crazy.
- Quiet, Riccio'. Someone is arriving. Who is it? - The Marquise.
If my mother sees me, she'll take me to Mass!
- Why? What have I done? - You have dreamt of fornicating. - Me?
Yes, with my child.
- But who told you that? - I just know it. Shame on you!
Give me your arm.
It's the devil who sends me such dreams!
Let my son out of them.
Dream of being a bitch with someone else!
- Don Sabino, confess me. - I confessed you last night!
- I couldn't resist. - We said once every three times!
- Done. - My child!
The important thing is for you to be repented. Kneel down. I absolve you.
Go to church with your parents.
Let's go, Riccio'.
- Mr. Marquis... - Hi.
My hat, Riccio'.
Here.
- Good morning, uncle. - Aren't you coming to the church? - I'll reach you later.
- You hurt me! - Who is that? Is she new?
- Yes, she's Faustina. She started yesterday. - Fire her. - Why?
- She's wearing no panties! - Is Mr. Marquis angry?
- Mr. Marquis. - What. - Before going to sleep
could you sign a few bills? - I'll do it in the morning!
- They can't wait. - Fuck off...
- Where are they? - On the table.
Next time come in the morning, not when I'm going to sleep.
Here!
Here.
- Here! - No, this is the calendar. - I'll pay it too!
- Is that all? - Aronne Piperno, the carpenter, is here.
He's done with his job, it would be fair of you to pay him.
- Would it be fair? - I think so, Mr. Marquis.
- So be it, then. - Yes. - Let him in.
Aronne Piperno.
I'll pay him at once.
Here.
Aronne Piperno, come in.
Come!
- My respects, Excellence. - Aronne, you work well. - Thanks.
Beautiful woodwork, beautiful closet, beautiful chests.
- All well done. Thanks. You can leave now. - I haven't understood.
- I said that you can go. - But I... - What?
- The bill. - Give it to me.
Here.
- Here is the bill! - Why did you tear it?
- What should I do with it? - And my money?
- You won't be paid. - Why? - Want to know the procedure?
- Yes. - I won't give you the money and you won't get any! - I got it!
- This is a joke. - Sure, a joke!
- You're famous for your jokes.. - Then I'll be more famous now.
Maybe you want a discount?
No, either Marquis Del Grillo pays or he doesn't. And I won't pay you.
- Throw him out. - What's wrong, Excellence? - Everything is, Aronne!
First of all, I knocked my knee against your closet!
- That's not my fault! - Isn't it a good reason? - It is, Excellence.
And then you're a Jewish. Your ancestors built the cross
where Jesus was hung. Shouldn't I be angry for that?
- Of course! - If you think you're right sue me. - I am right.
If a judge agrees with that, I'll pay you. Now let me go to sleep.
- Please think it over, Excellence. - No. - I'll come back tomorrow. - No!
- I have a family! - Me too! - What should I do? - Go away.
- What's the time? - The bells announcing the third Mass rang. - Shut everything.
Darken everything! Administrator, call my lawyers.
They have to corrupt judges, audiences, officials, witnesses.
- It will cost you more than if you paid him! - Don't interfere.
I don't want to pay Aronne Piperno.
I want to see if a poor plebeian's arguments
can beat a rich and powerful nobleman's abuse.
- Yes, Excellence. At your orders. - Good.
Go away now.
Disappear, don't break my balls because I want to sleep.
Here.
He went to sleep!
Silence!
<Careful with that hoe!
<Quiet!
SPEAKS IN LATIN
Today, 18th February 1809
the experts have verified that the above mentioned job
has not been properly done by Piperno Aronne;
an ancient portal has been ruined and its value decreased.
Moreover, Aronne Piperno of Jewish religion,
in order to complete that job, has stayed out of the ghetto
after the closing of its gates at night.
Therefore the court rejects the claims of Piperno Aronne...
...over his Excellence Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo
and condemns him to pay for the legal costs of this trial.
As for violating the curfew,
- he will also be pilloried. - Also!
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
CHILDREN SING
BELLS RING
- Hey! What happened? - They say the Pope is dead.
Holy Virgin!
- What happened? - Something serious for sure, Nina.
- Has the Tevere overflown its banks? - Who knows!
Hey! Wait! Maybe it's the war?
No, the bells are tolling!
- The Pope! - What happened? - The Pope has died. - The Pope?
Really?
Someone must have given some order!
It's not possible for all the parsons in Rome to have become crazy altogether!
Perhaps it was general Mionly's idea.
I don't think the French would dare. And what for?
Bells ring like this only when a Pope dies.
The French would like that very much.
Here, Holiness. These are the parsons of St. Francis in Ripa,
Saint Maria and Saint Camillo. They are the first ones we have found.
- Why have you started tolling? - Forgive us, Eminence.
Someone paid me to celebrate
a solemn funeral Mass. - Me too. - Me too.
How can it be that all the churches in Rome
were given the same task? There is a provocative intent.
Who gave you this task?
An envoy of Marquis Del Grillo's, Holiness.
I thought that it had to do with some of his relatives.
- I was well paid, 5 "paoli". - Me too. It's not our fault.
- I have understood. (KNOCKING)
- Let's hear the others. - Eminence... - Enough.
- Go. - This time Marquis Del Grillo has gone too far.
We are tired of him and his inopportune jokes.
Above all now that the French occupy the city.
That's why I said "inopportune".
The Marquis should go to meditate in Castel Saint Angelo
and ponder on the fact that life is not only a joke.
- Youth is beautiful! <Mr. Marquis! - Who is it?
- Come in! - Mr. Marquis, come. Supper's ready. - Yes!
- Otherwise everything will cool off. - I'm coming.
- Let's go, Fausti'. Is this shawl yours? - Yes. - Can I put it on?
- Yes. - I am freezing. I'm coming, sora Anita!
- Come, Mr. Marquis, everything is ready. - What have you cooked?
- Lamb cutlets. - Good! - Served hot from the grill.
- Just as you like them! - Here, I'm so hungry.
- They're hot. - Ouch!
In fact I have burnt my finger, but they are all scorched.
They are, and it's the bell's fault. They've been stuck inside my head all day.
I can't take it anymore and also that poor creature is scared.
Why don't you speak? Are you angry with me?
She's angry because this winter you have come only 3 or 4 times.
My daughter is always sad because she loves you.
She has to love me, I have given you a house!
You've given us a beautiful house, but you never come here.
We are always alone and she is sad for that.
Your mother tells so many lies. At least you are silent, you are more honest than her.
- Mr. Marquis, the Pope's guards are looking for you! - I'm coming.
- My God, the Pope! - Yes, he needs me and I have to go.
- And these cutlets? - I'll be right back, and Faustina will be glad.
- Bye, Faustina. - Mr. Marquis, come back soon.
I yield with deference to the orders of Your Holiness
and I am ready to spend, if necessary,
the rest of my days inside Castel Saint Angelo, and ponder.
Yes.
But I would like to know on what I have to ponder.
On the inconvenience of a similar joke at this very moment.
- But it wasn't a joke. - What?
To have the bells toll as if the Pope were dead isn't a joke?
- Am I dead? - No.
- But something more important of Your Holiness died. - Who would it be?
- Justice. - Don't start with your amenities again.
Holiness, I wronged a poor Jewish carpenter.
But, corrupting judges, witnesses, officers, lawyers,
cardinals, abbots, officials, experts, administrators,
I had that poor thing condemned only because he is poor and Jewish
while I'm rich and Christian. However I'll submit to your wish.
I'm prepared to go to prison
...together with Monsignors Ralla, Falchi and Bellarmino,
Cardinal Fioravanti and Bucci,
Prince Ardenghi, Duke Soffici, Count Von Keiper
and the Abbot of Saint Maria Alla Minerva... - Enough!
- There are so many of them. - You are decimating the whole Sacred College
and a good part of the officers.
- Son, justice is not of this world, but of the other. - I know it.
- Justice in the next world! - Exactly, son.
And since, unfortunately, we belong to this world,
we condemn you to spend 30 days in the fortress all the same:
10 days, for disrespecting the Pontiff
letting everyone believe that he was dead, and let me touch wood;
10 days for making fun of justice
- having a poor and innocent man condemned. - But I've refunded him.
I have paid him three times his credit and given him land.
You should have seen him, he was so happy.
- Then we'll give you only one day. - Thanks.
One for every cardinal, for every prince, for every official
- that you corrupted. How many are there? - Of the corrupt ones?
- Yes, how many? - About twenty. - Then it's the same.
They are still 30 days. This is the verdict delivered by Pontiff Pious Vll
as Head of the Papal Government.
How's that restoration going?
- We're doing our best. - Go ahead.
But being the Pope and Head of the Church of Christ the merciful,
I'll turn the 30 days into 30 Pater, Ave and Gloria
to be said 30 times a day, for 30 days.
- Then the fortress was better. - But you have to promise
- that you'll stop making your jokes. - Don't worry.
Of course!
Rambaldo, I did all I could.
I tried everything to keep you in Rome, but I've not succeeded.
I have also talked to VIPs and politicians, but in vain.
However Macerata is full of life.
- And then you have Camilla, Pompeo... - What a tragedy! - My Camilla!
- Look how swollen I am. - I see it. - It's for the sorrows.
- I don't think so. - Smell. - My Camilla!
- A change will do everyone good. - Also to us.
- And what are you doing there? - I hope that it does us good.
Camilla, unexpected events happen to the officials.
- It's easy for you to say it! - Don't get disheartened.
- Understand? - Yes. - And keep in touch. - You too!
Here, enough, Riccio'.
- Go, Giglio! Have a good journey. - Good-bye!
- And enjoy yourselves! - Good-bye! - Come back soon!
Mother, Camilla has left us.
- What? - Faustina and her mother are here.
- Who? - Faustina and her mother. - They're here? Are they crazy?
- They're hiding in the crusher. - Have they told you what they want?
No, they want to talk to you.
- So? What happened? Why the hell did you come here? - What happened?
- It's a delicate matter. Faustina, tell him. - No.
You took her when she was still a child and now she's ashamed.
- What have you done? - You did something to her. - What have I done?
- Don't pretend not to understand, she is pregnant. - Oh! And who's the father?
- Mr. Marquis! - Am I the one? - Of course.
- Look me in the eye, did I get you pregnant? - Yes.
She never goes out, she doesn't know anybody, she never sees anybody.
- She has seen you and you... - But how long haven't I gone to see her?
- More than two months. - And she's had a delay for two months.
- Two months, huh? - Yes. - But no one can know it for sure...
A CLOCK STRIKES
Hush please.
- What time is it? - 6 p.m.. - Then why has it struck three times?
It has to be the secret calling of the Pope, nobody has to know it.
He's summoning the Papal guards, there has to be an important reason.
We will speak about this "thing" that has to be born later.
I have more important things to do at the moment.
- Megera, don't come here anymore. - See how he's treating us?
After the suppression of the religious Orders,
the breakup of the Sacred College
and finally, after the infamous decree usurping the temporal power of the Popes
annexing the Papal States to the empire of France,
the Pope has decided to excommunicate
Napoleon, his invading subjects
- and those who take part in their infamies. - Fair enough.
Holiness, don't be deceived, there will be retaliations,
perhaps also against your sacred person.
We know it.
My dear and true friends,
there's just a little of you left because of arrests, imprisonment and exile.
And to you, who are few, helpless and perhaps also inadequate,
I have to commit, not the salvation of my person, which doesn't matter to me,
but the dignity and the honour of the Church of Christ that I represent.
You're going to take turns
and guard the Quirinale nonstop.
Each one of you will be in command and responsible for that.
- Are you ready? - (Together) Yes!
Prince Marcello of Valmontone.
Are you ready to defend the Saint Roman Church and the Supreme Pontiff
- up to the extreme sacrifice, if necessary? - I am.
Duke Valerio Lanciani De Ninfa.
Are you ready to defend the Saint Roman Church and the Supreme Pontiff
- up to the extreme sacrifice, if necessary? - I am.
Prince Gaspare Della Quercia.
Are you ready to defend the Saint Roman Church and the Supreme Pontiff
- up to the extreme sacrifice, if necessary? - I am.
Marquis Onofrio del Grillo.
Are you ready...
Are you also ready to defend the Saint Roman Church and the Supreme Pontiff
- up to the extreme sacrifice, if necessary? - If necessary!
- Yes! - I don't trust you.
Let's have the Swiss measure as he's precise.
When my frog jumps, there is no hope left for anybody.
- Be good otherwise you'll thread on it. - But you what are you doing here?
- I am checking. - But weren't you guarding the boundaries?
Yes, but I've bet three "paoli" on the yellow frog.
- You should check on the French, instead of frogs. - Which French?
- Nothing's happened for a week. - But we can't get distracted,
- even if the turn is over tomorrow. - Mr. Marquis, it's your turn.
- No, I'll jump last. - Make room!
KNOCKING
- Quick, someone's knocking on the door! - He's concentrating.
- Make room. - This frog is lame, look how it walks.
Look!
- Who's that? <Friends!
- Tell me the password. <The cricket of the Marquis is always jumping.
Who jumps happily lives well.
- Where is the Marquis? - He's making the frogs jump.
Mr. Marquis!
Don't disappoint me, I promise I'll kiss you and you'll become a princess.
- Mr. Marquis... - My little frog... What do you want?
- In Via del Panico another frog is about to jump. - Really?
Swiss, measure well. "Achtung"!
- I have caught her, Mr. Marquis. - Faustina, right?
- With whom? - With a dark and curly guy, maybe 20 years old.
He climbed over the wall and entered Faustina's house.
- He did, huh? - I have caught him at last.
- If you want to unmask them, we have to hurry. - I can't!
I cannot leave the garrison, we'll go there another day.
But, when your turn is over he'll stop going there.
- Darn! What do you think? - "If you scratch your brow, horns will grow".
Have you just made up this proverb? Chief, come here!
- The yellow frog won. - What the hell are you saying?
I have to go away for half an hour, go to get my mantle.
- Riccio', let's go. - (RICCIOTTO) Open the door.
- I knew it. - I don't even think it's the first time. - Don't you?
- He seems very confident. - Go guard the back door.
The hell with you!
- (ANITA) Who is it? - It's me, Onofrio Del Grillo.
- Marquis, what brought you here? - May I? - What a surprise!
- Don't you want to let me in? - Please, this is your house. - Good, you know it.
- Why did you come at this hour? - I can come any time.
Faustina is sleeping, but weren't you guarding the Quirinale?
You knew it, didn't you? But I am the commander and take decisions,
so I've put a soldier in my place and have come to see Faustina.
To have sex with a pregnant woman is a deadly sin.
But I have the Papal dispensation. Make room, let me in.
Here she is!
Faustina, here you are. But why is the bed stripped?
- You are also naked. - Perhaps she had a nightmare.
Really?
Maybe she dreamt that I was coming.
What's that? What do we have here?
- What's this? - I don't know.
- These are man pants, Why are they here? Whose pants are they? - I don't know!
- Whose pants are they? - They are my son's, he is serving in the French army.
- I use them as a cloth. - I understand.
And that?
Whose shoe is it?
- It's mine. - Then try it. - Alright, a man's here.
- You've finally admitted it, who is it? - It's my man.
- Whose? - Mine! - No!
Forgive me if I let him come here, but there's still blood in my veins.
You may have the blood in the veins, but he has a strong stomach!
- I want to see this phenomenon. - No, Excellence!
What have you got to do with it? That's your mother's man.
Where is he? Show him up. I am curious to meet him.
So there's still blood in your veins.
I have been a widow for many years and I was tired of being alone.
- I want to meet him. - Be good. - Come out, Show up!
- What's his name? - Marcuccio.
Marcuccio, where are you?
He's here, Mr. Marquis.
Oh, he's here.
Marcuccio!
Marcuccio, where are you? Are you hiding in the tub? Come out.
Don't be afraid, why are you hiding?
You're handsome.
- He's a handsome young lad indeed. - Don't hurt him, I love him.
- He's my love. - (ONOFRIO) Of course.
- It's always nice to see two people in love. - Kiss me!
And so, Marcuccio, you're this old woman's lover?
- Yes, but don't hurt him. - Faustina!
- Did you know about mother and Marcuccio? - I think so.
I still can't believe it, but if he's really your lover,
- show me how you make love. - With whom? - With your woman.
- How? - Why are you asking me? That's your problem.
- You were making it earlier, let's go. - Where? - In your alcove.
However I don't get it, you got undressed in the daughter’s room
in order to screw in the mother's room.
Come on, get naked!
Show me your hidden beauties.
- Marcuccio, how was this great love born? - Mother, no!
- I do it for you, because he doesn't believe me. - I'm disgusted!
What are you doing? Are you watching? She's your mother, show some respect.
What are you doing here? Go to your room, I'll stay here.
Hurry up, get naked.
Can't you see that your love is quivering?
Here, look at her!
Marcuccio, show me.
Show me your great love.
Come on! Show me how you make it.
Give me 5 of it.
KNOCKING
- Go get it, it's Mr. Marquis. - Who came third?
- (Together) I did! - Three of you came third?
(IN FRENCH) Surrender! Quick!
Surrender!
Holiness, the French have gotten into the building from the courtyard.
Who's in command?
- He's out, "est sorti un moment". - Where's the apartment of the Pope?
Eminence, they're coming to your sacred rooms.
But nobody fought them? Nobody offered resistance to them?
- Who was in charge of the guard? - Marquis Del Grillo.
At least they weren't hurt.
"Procedemus" in peace.
THEY SPEAK IN FRENCH
Holiness, my assignment is very unpleasant and painful,
but I have sworn to be loyal to my Emperor,
and I must obey his orders.
In the name of Napoleon, I summon you to renounce the sovereignty over Rome
and over the Papal State.
We cannot, we don't have to, we don't want to.
Then I have to take Your Holiness to General Mionly
who will let you know about your destination.
Enough, Marquis. Kill me if you want, but I can't make it.
- You were just about to. - (FAUSTINA) Open up!
You said that it was a great love and now you don't love each other anymore?
I can't do it in front of everybody and with a sword held to my butt!
- (FAUSTINA) Enough! - Can you hear her? - (FAUSTINA) Marcuccio is my man!
Come in.
We've been in love since we were children.
And you get dressed!
The part that you have played is absurd.
Now if you want, you can take revenge, Excellence.
I have already taken revenge, I've enjoyed myself a lot!
Faustina, you'd rather tell me: "Mr. Marquis, you're growing old".
"I have come with you because you're rich, perhaps also nice."
"But I have a boy of my same age who has made me pregnant".
"We want to get married, give me a dowry".
But this way, your child would be taken as a bastard
- and me as a jerk. - So you won't give us the dowry anymore?
The dowry? I'll send both of you in prison!
You ugly cheats! And impudent too!
The dowry...
Alright, when you baptize the child, call me. I'll be the godfather.
- Thanks, Excellence. We'll call him Onofrio. - Excellence.
(BELLS RING) - What's happening?
Marquis!
- What happened? - The Pope was kidnapped!
Madonna! Riccio', is it true?
- Yes, the French took him away. - (ONOFRIO) Come upstairs!
Damn it, what am I going to do now? It was my turn of watch! It's your fault
- if the Pope was kidnapped. - Our fault? - Of course, but they'll think I'm a traitor!
- Hit him. - But you had forgiven us. - That's for a different reason.
- Hit him in the nose. - Marcuccio! - Did you hit the nose?
- What has he done? - Let me see. Good, you are good. - Aaahh!
Mr. Marquis, don't hurt him.
Some more... Here.
- Be good. - What are you doing, Marquis?
- Do I look wounded? - You do.
Now take me home.
Mother, I've done done my duty, I have given my blood for the Holy Father!
Today, May 17th 1809, we, Napoleon emperor of France and king of Italy
take possession of the Papal State.
We are putting an extraordinary Council in charge
of the passing of powers from the Papal government
to the imperial government of France.
- It's true, then, there are real women. - They're letting the women sing!
- They cannot sing better than us. - Females don't have a treble voice.
- We're the only ones who do. (TRILL)
- Let's show them. - Let's go get a box.
AN ORCHESTRA PLAYS
MAN SINGS IN FRENCH
Drop the wine, from the waves a new goddess was born.
SPEAKS FRENCH
But you French, with all these novelties,
the restoration of monuments, the real women who play,
- do you think you're rendering a service to Rome? - Of course.
Rome will be the second city of the empire, a modern city.
This way you'll destroy it, the facet of Rome was built through millennia,
- by its kings, by its Popes... - Its brigands, its idleness...
- Rome is beautiful the way it is. - You are painters, literate...
- But let's consider the past. - There aren't true artists here.
- What? - Name a true artist. - Come to see my show.
But if someone takes away the sheep and the aqueduct,
and a half-naked young boy with a flute, you're ruined.
Then you get mad at the French thinking they bereave you of the inspiration.
But the truth is you have nothing to say.
MAN SINGS IN FRENCH
INDISTINCT VOICES
Look how pissed off the castrated are.
You're full of shit!
But where are these famous women? I only see men.
The fat and the dirty one hanging up there... Is that all?
THEY SING IN FRENCH
Is that a castrated?
- Castrated? That's a woman and she's beautiful too! - I see that.
CRIES OF DISAPPROVAL
SPEAKS FRENCH
De Guigny, let's get closer, I want to see her well.
- Back to the brothel! - Go away!
How disgusting! Her breasts show up!
SHE SINGS FRENCH
TRILLS
I would like to invite both of you for lunch.
THEY SING IN FRENCH
TRILLS
Go home!
What matters is for you to be repented.
- Whose dishes are those? - Mr. Marquis is bringing in two guests.
- Who? - Ricciotto has told me that they are two French gentlemen.
French?
That's Rome, dear Olimpia.
but we aren't all as impolite as the hot heads at the theatre.
- Are we, De Guigny? - Of course not.
Come, make yourselves comfortable.
Where's everyone? Where's the family?
The Marquise is being served in her room because she's ill.
Miss Genuflessa is staying with her to keep her company.
The Count your uncle has gone to the sanctuary of the Divine Love
with a picture of Virgin Quartina.
and as for don Sabino, this is his fasting day.
- I have understood. - I have understood too, and I assure you that it doesn't matter.
There's nothing to understand, there has to be a mishap, wait.
Mother, you can't fail to attend lunch with my friends.
Where has the class of the Del Grillos gone?
- Is this the way of treating our guests? - The French are invaders,
and you should know it better than all,
because the night when our Pope was abducted,
I saw you get in covered with blood
that you shed in order to defend him.
I did my best.
The Del Grillos are gentlemen,
therefore they don't eat at the same table as plebeians.
Be careful, those unbelievers that you consider your friends,
dared lay their hands on the sacred person of the Pope.
- therefore they were all excommunicated. - Mother, the Middle Ages are over.
The Church, the Papacy and us all are over.
The French that you despise have brought a gust of new air.
We don't need new air
and the windows of this building will stay shut
- until the Pope returns. - Then you'll spend the rest of your life in the dark.
The future is in the hands of the French and in those of Napoleon.
No, our future is in the hands of the Lord,
and sooner or later someone will kick Napoleon's butt.
And remember that "When a Pope dies, a new one comes."
I know, but I don't have another French woman therefore I'll keep this one.
Peel me that apple!
- Olimpia, where's De Guigny? - He saw you uneasy and...
- Why? Has he left? - Yes.
- Did he get offended? - Maybe a little.
And you? Did you get offended?
I'm used to be ill-treated by the Romans.
- Shall I serve? - No, we won't eat here.
We always eat the same things in this house.
I want to take you to some picturesque place, where you'll eat very well.
Ricciotto!
- Come. - Yes, Mr. Marquis. - I want to go out with Olimpia.
We need to change, find something sober.
Let's go, we're going to have a good time. You can eat this shit.
Thanks, Mr. Marquis.
- Seven! - Six!
- Five! - Eight!
- But that's a game for children! - For children? Look under the table.
It seems a game for children,
but if they get mad, they'll stab each other to death.
- Gasperino your wife is out, looking for you. - What?
My wife? And who's Gasperino?
He called me Gasperino. Oh! Finally!
Wonderful!
- What's that? - Rigatoni with "pajata".
- What's "pajata"? - I'd rather not tell you.
Eat it first, and then I'll tell you.
It's a typical dish of the Roman cuisine. How does it taste?
- Where is he? - Mother!
- You drunkard, go home! - The hell with you!
- Wasn't that enough for you? - But who is she? - Now you also go with bitches?
- What the fuck do you want? - He feeds a bitch and not his daughter.
- Go to hell! Who are you? - Give me a knife!
- No, mother! - But what does she want from me? Who is she?
- Are you crazy? Not in my inn! - I don't know her!
One is eating with a lady in a restaurant, and then a crazy woman arrives.
That's Rome.
But I'll be back, I'll call my brother, my father and be back.
- They’ll eat that bitch and you alive! - You're crazy!
- Have you heard that scoundrel? - Go away too, I don't want problems.
I don't as well, I'll leave immediately. Here you are.
- Olimpia, let's go before the crazy one returns. - How about this? - That's shit.
- You mean it's bad? - No, it's really calf shit...
...its guts. You wanted to know what it was! That's shit.
- What does "bitch" mean? - It means "putain".
- That woman called me "bitch". - Why, aren't you a "putain"?
- A little. - She noticed immediately.
- What's happening? - An execution! - Where? - In Riva Grande.
- Did you hear? - What has he said? - Want to see an execution?
- Yes, mother used to tell me of the revolution. - She likes it.
- She always went there, but I was too small. - Let's go then.
You have you the guillotine too.
It's a gift that we got from the French.
We used the axe before.
- How horrible! That's Barbaric! - Sure, it's Barbaric.
That's more modern, the convicts are more comfortable there under.
- Here he comes! - Son of a bitch, you've asked for it!
To death!
Feel my heart beat.
Does it?
Are you excited?
- Me too. - For the show? - No, for the hand.
Unhood me!
- The crazy priest! - And give me my hat back.
But that's don Bastiano. He was caught.
Do you know him? Who is he?
A friend of mine.
I'll tell you again. You're still in time, son.
Go away!
The convict is refusing the Sacraments!
- He's a son of a bitch! - I'm not refusing anything!
I'll give myself the Sacraments.
I was consecrated priest and I'll be a priest till I die.
And you, bunch of cowardly sheep,
always ready to kneel in front of the powerful,
now kneel in front of someone who'll never bow,
but in front of this thing.
Come on, kneel down!
And make the sign of the cross.
Hey!
And remember that also our Lord Jesus Christ died like a dog,
on the gibbet that then became the symbol of redemption.
Kneel down! All of you!
And cross yourselves. Come on!
And now I can forgive those who hurt me too.
"In primis", the Pope who thinks he owns the sky.
"In secundis", Napoleon, who thinks he owns the earth.
And in the end, the executioner, who thinks he owns death.
But above all I can forgive you all, my children,
who don't own a shit!
- Good! (CRIES OF APPROVAL)
- Down with the noble! - Good!
And now, executioner, send me to the other world,
to that almighty God that is the true owner of the sky and the earth,
to whom, instead of the other cheek, I'm offering my whole head!
I'll give you the signal.
Hey! My hat!
It has to fall with my head and not by itself.
The hat!
Are you ready?
Go!
CRIES
- Here! - Here! - Here!
- But what have I done? - Sorry.
I wanted to teach you one of the most ancient customs of the Roman people.
On days like today, fathers slap their children
so they'll remember how a brigand ends.
- And I think you'll remember it too. - Maybe. - Won't you?
Let's go forget about it.
- What did the ancient Romans do here? - Everything, we're at the Foro.
Business, markets, culture, courts,
down there is the Temple of the vestals, and then diviners, senators, bitches...
By the way, where you would like to have sex?
on the altar of Caesar, in the Temple of Castor and Pollex,
- or under the Arch of Constantine? - Castor and Pollex. - Then...
it's should be right there unless someone has taken it away.
GROWL
Wait, who's growling?
- What are you doing? - Be good! - What do you want?
- Hey! - You want to steal my sheep?
Go away!
Exaggerated! All this for a fistful of sheep!
Olimpia! Olimpia! Where have you gone?
This yokel has made my day. Fuck off!
- Olimpia, did you get scared? - Yes, a lot. - Let's go away from here.
- Onofrio! - What? - Pee! - It's because of fear, pee where you want.
Everything is a urinal here.
Take your time, Olimpia.
MAN SNORES
Onofrio, what are you doing?
(ONOFRIO) I'm here, don't be afraid.
- Onofrio! - (ONOFRIO) Olimpia, are you done? - Come here!
- What's wrong? Is there another dog? - No.
- Who is this? - That's you. - Is it me?
- Is it me? - Yes. - No, that's not me, but could also be me.
You know who he is? He's Gasperino.
- His wife looked for him at the inn and took me for him. - I remember.
He's drunk rotten! Gasperino, if your wife gets you...
I wouldn't like to be in your place when you return home.
Hey!
Why are you laughing?
- I'll take him to my house. - Your house? - Let me work.
Riccio', come here!
(RICCIOTTO) He has to be a coalman, look at that water.
Turn him around, lift him. come on!
- Quiet, or he'll wake up. - He won't, he's too drunk...
- I can't make his fingernails any cleaner. - They're alright.
Mine aren't too clean as well.
But his nose is red, whiten it.
Some perfume... Come on, put him under.
Here! All perfumed!
How handsome he is!
I wish I could be here when he wakes up,
and when my mother sees him...
- Ricciotto, you'll tell me everything tomorrow. - I will.
- Please, don't ruin this masterpiece. - Don't worry.
- Don't worry, I'll treat him as if he were you. - Softly!
However, you know where to find me if you need me. Olimpia, let's go.
See you Marquis!
GASPERINO SNORES
He's awake!
< NOISE OF TOOLS
- Good morning, Mr. Marquis. - Good day, Excellence.
Have you slept well, Mr. Marquis?
Hey!
What's this place?
- Where am I? - In your palace.
In my palace? What the hell are you saying?
"In your palace, Mr. Marquis"? I'm Gasperino the coalman.
- What's that? - Is this one of your jokes? Do you think of them while sleeping?
What happened last night? You're the ones who made me a joke!
Make room. But where the hell am I?
Who's that? A rag doll?
Oh!
- Who is it? Is it me? - Mr. Marquis!
I am all perfumed!
My goodness, what happened? Where am I?
Why am I here? Maybe I'm dreaming?
Mr. Marquis, you always say "don't carry the joke too far".
- Who are you? - I'm Ricciotto.
And they are Augusto, Ferdinando and Mariuccia, at your service for years.
I don't know you, goddam you! What do you want from me?
- Don Sabino! - Oh! Who is it? - Tell him who he is.
- Who? - Mr. Marquis. - That's Mr. Marquis.
- Good morning, Mr. Marquis. - Are you a priest? Goddam...
- Maybe I'm dead! - But Mr. Marquis... - Enough!
You've have broken my balls! I'm gonna beat you all!
Don Sabino, call Monsignor Terenzio! You, help me!
Goddam you! What d'you wanna do to me? What do you want from me?
- What are you doing? - He thinks he's a coalman. - It has to be a joke.
- If he doesn't calm down, we'll have to call those at the Lungara's. - No!
- Those with the straight-jacket. - No, what the fuck are you saying?
I am not crazy. I screamed because I wanted to know what had happened to me!
- Rag doll, can a crazy person be so calm? - I wouldn't know. - "I wouldn't know", he says.
- Excellence, I can be drunk, but... - I am your uncle Terenzio!
- You're my uncle? I've never seen you before. - We heard a screaming.
- Who's that? - Don Sabino, go get a lot of blessed water. - What a knockout!
- Good morning, Onofrio. - Now my name's Onofrio... - What happened? - I don't know.
- Are you a relative of mine? - What are you saying? - I don't know!
Everyone calls me Marquis, the Monsignor says he's my uncle...
You are a knockout, help me please.
I don't understand...
I remember I went out of the inn to piss,
Then I leaned on to a column and I woke up here.
But what I am doing here? Who has brought me here?
- You are not crazy, you are possessed. - Am I?
Yes. The restless soul of a dead coalman entered your body.
Stop saying I am dead, or I'll touch my own balls for good luck!
And it's also a rather vulgar soul.
Who is it?
- Who's that? - That's you, Mr. Marquis!
That's me?
Wow!
- My God! - We need to exorcize him with the help of blessed Quartina.
SPEAKS LATlN
Come out! Come out, lost soul! Get back!
Leave my nephew alone, damned soul!
We are stronger! You are harmless against the Cross and blessed Quartina!
Get back, soul of a coalman! Leave the body of the Marquis!
Go away! Coalman, damn you, want to go away?
Leave the body of the Marquis, ugly coalman! Leave him alone!
- No? - Have you gone away, coalman?
Have returned to purgatory?
- Onofrio, how are you? How do you feel? - How I feel?
- Are you back, Marquis? - Yes, I'm back.
(IN LATIN) God be praised! Thanks, blessed Quartina.
Yes, but I want to go home to my wife and daughter!
Excuse me, a Marquis can't go out in shirt and afoot.
- A Marquis can't go out like that. - I'll go get the carriage.
- Which horses do you prefer? - Which horses I...
- A white one and a black one, like the wine! - Ready!
I'll ride! Fatty, where are you going? Wait!
By carriage?
Olimpia, if you didn't have to go to Paris,
I'd take you to a good restaurant.
You know that it's not possible, they are waiting for me at the theatre.
Yes, but you also have to eat.
you would remember it for life.
- When are you going to leave? - Very soon.
The tour isn't going well, the performances are going even worse than the première.
We're having a meeting to make a decision.
I hope to leave at once, even today.
Thanks!
You always tell me...
"You're magnifique, sympatique, I'd like to spend my life with you... "
- And then you want to leave? - Why don't you come with me?
- Where? To the theatre? - No, to Paris! - Paris?
You don't know what Paris is. It's the life, it's the future.
- Will you help me? - Of course, come here.
Marquis Del Grillo is wasted here.
Olimpia, Marquis Del Grillo is wasted everywhere.
< Mr. Marquis! - Here he comes!
This is Ricciotto, I want to know how it went.
- Riccio', how did it go? - Mr. Marquis, it was so fun!
- Come upstairs and tell me. - No, there is another obstacle!
He's in doubt! He wants to go to see his shop!
- Where is the shop? - In Via delle Cappelle 12.
Take him there in half an hour!
Olimpia, let me give you one last kiss.
But there's still time. Why the last one?
Wait and you'll see.
Because, because...
I have to get dirty.
Go! Come on!
Mr. Marquis, here is the shop.
So?
- What? - Did you get stuck? - You're right. Sorry.
Can't you see the coalman with his wife and daughter, in his place?
I see him with my wife and daughter.
And if that's the coalman, who are you? Huh?
- Who am I? I'm a Marquis... - You are. So what?
So what? I'm so confused!
Let's go back to the palace, the hell with the coalman!
- Well, I'll go out for a drink now. - You what?
- I'm going out for a drink. - Come here. - What?
- You'll go take the coal to the notary's. - Alright, I will.
- Give me the coal. - Show me your back... Turn around, drunkard!
Alright.
My job was over, but if you tell me to take the coal to the notary's,
I'll do it.
Jesus, it's heavy!
- Where are you going? - Huh?
- Where am I going? - The notary's is that way! - I know!
You wanna tell me where the notary lives? I know it's that way.
I was taking the longest path. Stay calm!
Poor Gasperino, that's why he drinks!
BELL RINGS
Mr. Marquis. Hey, Mr. Marquis!
- What? What happened? - Lunch's ready.
- Your mother is angry. - My mother?
What are you saying? My mother died ten years ago.
- Mr. Marquis! - Aw! You meant the other one's mother.
- My mother the Marquise. - Don't have her wait.
- She's already in a bad mood. - Ready! I'm coming!
- Don't push me. Where's my mother? - She is there. - Is that her? - Yes.
Wow!
Here I am, mother! Who could recognize you?
You're so slim, and as dark as a piece of coal!
Why are you taking these liberties?
I was greeting you, not kicking your butt.
- Onofrio! - Sit down. - Yes.
- I was told... - Hey, you wanna pull the chair? You wanna play me a trick?
...but you better stop with this joke of the coalman with me.
Yes, I thought I was a coalman instead of a Marquis.
Maybe I was drunk.
What's that? A sweet?
(IN LATIN) In the name of the Father, and the son and the Holy Spirit.
That's good! Give me some of it, I like it.
Put it down!
- Enough, take it back. - These plebeian demonstrations
are still a consequence of the possession.
Blessed Quartina has already done a lot, but it's still going to take some time.
Good! Wait, what are you doing? Are you going away?
Put it down! Leave the pitcher!
- Jesus, what's that shit? - Truffle Sauce. - Is it?
- It stinks. You eat it! - Tomorrow we'll exorcise him again.
He's still half Marquis and half coalman.
BURPS
That was the coalman.
- 50 "paoli", Excellence. - They're all mine?
Of course, Excellence.
I can put them in the purse and use them as I want?
You're the master. That's the income from the estate at the Parioli.
Unfortunately, the harvest wasn't too good this year.
- You're the one who keeps the accounts? - I am your humble administrator.
Show them to me. How much do we spend in this house?
Why? Don't you trust me?
We've administered your family for generations.
- My grandfather first, then my father and now me. - Don't get offended.
For instance, how much do we pay for the coal?
- The coal... - Yes, how much do we pay for it?
- How much can we pay for it? - How much?
- 7 "paoli" per quintal. - And the charcoal? - 4 "paoli".
- And the brushwood? - 5 per dozen.
- And the firewood? - That comes from our woods, we sell it.
And how much do we make of it?
- 10 "paoli" per quintal. - See what idiots we are?
We buy all at a taller price
and sell the firewood at half-price? It was good for me to see the accounts.
If you cheat on this, you'll cheat on everything.
Therefore you're a thief. You're all thieves, you, your father and your grandfather
and I'll fire the three of you.
Wait. Before going away, tell me something.
Do we produce the wine that we had for lunch?
Yes sir, it comes from the vineyard of the Mascherone.
How much of it do we have?
A lot of barrels of new one, plus the old one in the bottles.
Where are all those barrels, apart from your house?
- Downstairs, in the wine cellar. - Then I'll go to the wine cellar and you can go to hell.
Ugly thief!
> STEPS
< GENUFLESSA SINGS
What, you want to screw?
BELL RINGS
Genuflessa.
Genuflessa!
Where were you?
- Why didn't you answer? - I was busy.
- But how did you dress? - As I like it.
- Don't talk to me like that! - Don't you dare.
I'll tell Onofrio!
Now it's time for the rosary. We'll discuss that later. Give me your arm.
Of course my son has gone out tonight as well.
- He hasn't. I can call him at once if you wish. - You can try, but he won't come.
I believe that tonight he will.
- This animistic crisis of his is changing him for better. - It's true.
He stays in more often, and also cares for the problems of the spirit.
Let's thank blessed Quartina.
BURPS
Let's go!
What are you doing? Shutting it? Leave me alone!
- What the fuck! I have to finish the Cesarese of '91. - Let's go!
But who are you? I am the master of all the barrels!
You're fired too. Fuck off!
- You fuck off, drunkard! - What? You're pushing the Marquis?
- Leave me alone! - Walk! - I'll eat you a hand! - Ouch!
I am the master of all the barrels...
.. and I'll drain them in spite of your father, your grandfather and all the thieves
who drink my wine. I am the Marquis, I’m the master of everything.
Here they are.
What happened? I was in the cellar.
I was feeling so well, I was having some wine of '91.
when he called me and told me that the whole family was here.
What are you doing? Is this a meeting? What are you debating?
- Take it. - Is it a necklace?
- What are you doing? - What am I doing? - You have to pray. Pray!
Pray? why? Someone's dead?
(IN LATIN) In the name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
THEY PRAY IN LATIN
HE TALKS NONSENSE
SNORES
Get out, all of you!
- He's drunk rotten. - Onofrio!
Onofrio!
He's sick! We have to take him to his room.
To my room! His room is above the coalman's shop.
when this poor thing doesn't sleep in the ditches.
- What were you trying to do? - Nothing, it was just a caprice,
and I'm satisfied.
I have shown you that the French are right, we're all the same.
(IN FRENCH) Equality.
In fact you kept this poor thing of the coalman in the house...
...only because I dressed him like a Marquis.
Mother, if you had given birth to the coalman, it would have been the same.
Onofrio!
You said you preferred him to me, uncle, but maybe all of you did.
- Therefore you can keep the coalman. I'm leaving. - Where are you going?
To Paris. Mother, a man like me is wasted here in Rome.
But you don't know how to do anything.
You have never done anything in your life.
That's not little. Such qualities are appreciated in Paris.
The saying "Savoir faire" was invented by someone who has never done anything.
(IN FRENCH) That's Paris. See? There's something I can do.
Now what?
What happened? Who are you?
Where am I?
Ugly daughter of a bitch! Damn you!
You woke me up, I was feeling so good!
I was inside a golden bed, in a palace, served and revered.
- What are you saying, drunkard? - Ugly malefic witch!
You have broken the spell!
I felt so good! I ate, I drank and all the servants like you
bowed in front of me!
- You bow, ugly witch! - Leave me alone!
- Aaahh! - Leave her alone, dad! - No, I want to strangle her!
and then I'll also strangle you, so you'll learn a lesson!
Be quiet when the Marquis is sleeping!
I am the master and commander here!
Are we home? Is this my shop?
- Who is it? - Here! - Yes, Mari'.
Wow!
Good morning, Gasperino! See you at the inn tonight!
Riche', see you at the inn.
# My dear Olimpia, dress up,
# 'cause this cricket of the Marquis is always jumping.
# Who lives jokingly and happily also jumps.
HE SINGS IN FRENCH
< Olimpia, get ready! I'm coming!
'Morning, Excellence. Please come in.
Did you see a company of French, men and women?
Yes, they passed by last Sunday. A gang of crazy guys and bitches!
- It's them. - Go, Riccio'. It's the right way.
This seems to me like a "fresh" corpse. Come on! Let's get away from here.
- This, in case you want to take a nap, Mr. Marquis. - Thanks, Riccio'.
You have brought the deckchair too...
Have you brought the whole palace?
- I would have brought all Rome. - Really?
We have to go to Paris. We're not even in Tuscany yet,
and you already want to return to Rome?
- I said it so to speak. - Yes, but you said it.
SOMEONE SPEAKS FRENCH
What's happening?
- Peasant, where are they going? - Home.
- But aren't they French? - So what?
- They've been passing for a week, they are plenty of them. - Really?
Hey! What are you doing? We cannot stop here!
- Ricciotto! - Yes, Mr. Marquis!
- Why the hell did we stop? - The horses can't make it!
- Whip them! - But where is this France? - What do you care? Whip them!
And you, turn the wheels!
What's that? Damn you, Riccio'! What are you doing?
- The horses are missing! - What the hell, Riccio'!
You're a dotard! You sleep, snore, piss on my head...
...and let the horses run away... You've tied them up badly. What shall we do now?
Those horses were more tired than us, They can't be too far!
And so let's look for them! You go that way and I'll go this way!
- Good morning. - Hello. - Have you seen two horses?
- Yes, we're eating one of them right now. - What the f... how do you eat horses?
- Grilled. - Alright, but they weren't yours!
- Sir, we've walked from Russia and we're very hungry. - Are you?
- But who are you? - Soldiers. - We're not brigands.
- Soldiers of Napoleon's. - Napoleon has lost the war. - Up his!
- Are you sure? - Yes, look how Napoleon's troop has ended up.
- Napoleon is over! - In France there came the Russian. - Where are you going?
- Frosinone. - Rome. - Foggia. - Hey, give me some food.
One horse can't drag the carriage but we could both ride it to Paris.
The horse stays here, we have to eat it along the way.
- Of course, otherwise we can't go to Rome. - Are we returning to Rome?
Why you want to go to France to Louis XVlll? Pious Vll is better.
- Give me some of it. - But it's horse meat!
So what? Everyone's eating it, and moreover the horse is mine.
BELLS RING
Long live the Pope!
- Long live the Pope! - Long live Jesus and Mary!
- Long live the Marquise! - Long live the Pope!
Long live the Marquise!
- Long live Marquise Del Grillo! - Long live Jesus and Mary!
Quiet! Now all to the chapel to thank our Lord
because our Pope is back.
(IN LATIN) In name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
(Together) Amen!
Let's sing "Te Deum".
SOMEONE KNOCKS
Halt!
What are you doing here? Where do you think you are?
Is Mr. Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo in, please?
The Marquis is not in, he's out of town.
What do you want? Why this break-in in my house?
- I am sorry, but I have an order of arrest. - For my son?
What have you said? It's impossible.
"By order of the Cardinal Vicar His Eminence Albani
Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo shall be taken to the Castle
to answer for the crime of abandonment of place and betrayal
in accomplishment with the invading French troops."
- But what has Onofrio done? - I know what. He's besmirched us all.
Take in the cloths and shut all the windows again.
- Good evening everybody! - Gasperi'! - Hey big head! - Have a seat.
- No, I'll sit there with some friends. Big head, were you released? - Yes!
- Have a seat. - Cheers! - Here, have some wine!
Gasperi', I am really happy to see you again.
- Innkeeper, more wine. - Cheers, my friends.
Gasperi', tell us something of when you were Marquis.
- Are you making fun of me? - No way! - Yes, you are.
No, Gigi has a vineyard in Velletri. Tell him, as he knows nothing.
The hell with Velletri! What vineyard are you speaking of?
My wine, from the vineyard of the Mascherone, is good.
- That is not wine, that is a dream. - It's a dream!
- Tell him about the palace. - The palace...
That's a fairy-tale, it's not a palace.
Tell him about the horses, the carriages,
and that they brought you hot chocolate in bed in the morning. Crazy stuff!
- See? You're making fun of me! - No way!
You are, but that’s not funny at all!
- I'm not! - No, Gasperi'! - I thought you were friends...
I am not crazy, I saw you doing that sign.
- Mr. Marquis Del Grillo. - Fuck you!
I recognised you at once this time, Mr. Marquis.
- Are you talking to me? - Yes, I have to take you to the Cardinal Vicar.
- Who, me? - Yes, Mr. Marquis.
Say it again. Who am I?
You're Illustrious Mr. Marquis Del Grillo. And this time I'm not mistaken.
Have you heard?
- Up yours! Where's the carriage? - Out! - Let's go.
- What's that? - The list of the contumacious and the arrested ones.
Next to every name there is a proposal of punishment
- according to our criteria of clemency. - Go ahead.
- "Don Livio Cerretani, 3 months in the fortress." - 2 months.
"Monsignor Dario Casiraghi, one month of seclusion."
No, the poor thing is old!
"Donna Lucrezia Santobrandini and her aunt Gerundia, 2 months of seclusion."
Very well! In observance of silence and in prayer too!
- "Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo, one year of confinement." - One year?
- Is it too much? - It is too little! He deserves a tougher lesson.
- Your decision, Holiness. - Let's condemn him to death.
But no nobleman has been sentenced since Pope Sisto's times!
- And he's one of your favourite children. - No way...
- Don't get me started, Cardinal. - Shooting.
No, no, no!
Let's behead him. He wanted justice? He'll have it!
However we're letting them condemn an innocent.
We know that he won't pay for Onofrio's misdeeds,
- but for his own. - Which ones? - Which ones?
Shut up! He played the master in our house.
- His death won't be enough. - And then who dies?
Who cares? A coalman more, a coalman less...
After all he'll certainly go to Heaven.
But where's the point? Onofrio will be considered dead, but what when he returns?
Time cancels all, Camilla.
- Let's think of our safety first, and then we'll see. - I'll shut up then.
- That's better. - Let's sleep on it. - No.
I want to sleep well tonight.
Let's do as Nerone did. Ready?
Go!
Moor here.
- Father, who's going to be executed? - Marquis Del Grillo.
- Who? - He asked for it, with all his jokes! - What's he talking about?
Here he comes!
THEY PRAY IN LATIN
That's Gasperino!
- Marquis, it’s time. - Here comes the Marquis.
I'm Gasperino the coalman.
I have a wife and a daughter, and I love my family and the Pope.
But who are you? Punchinello?
Leave me, I'll go alone. I shovel the coal all day
and in the evening I like to drink with my friends.
I start with a drop and I end up drinking a barrel!
How did they catch him? And why?
When I am drunk, I don't understand a shit!
I feel like a balloon, I take off the ground and I fly, fly, fly...
I fly and I see you walk like ants,
and I piss on your heads from the sky.
- The Pope cannot want my head off. - In fact he'll have his one off.
- Mr. Marquis, it's time. - Be good, I am talking to my friends.
I've been dreaming of being a Marquis for some time.
Everyone bows...
Marquis this and that...
He has always played in his life and he's playing with death as well now.
Lucky him.
They say: "You're a Marquis".
- But you have arrested me! - Mr. Marquis, it's time.
It's time to send this monk to hell!
- But what have I done? He can’t be serious. - We'll see.
If the coalman is executed, it means he was serious.
I was asked: "Mr. Marquis, what's your last wish? "
"What's your last desire? " No need to ask!
Bring me a bucket of wine so I can get drunk!
- Is that true that they want my head? - (Together) Yes!
They want Marquis Del Grillo's head,
but I am Gasperino the coalman. But do as you wish!
- The head that you want is not mine. - It's time. - Why the hell are you laughing?
You're all in a dream, and I'm in a dream too.
- It's time. - Not again! Well, it's time to go to sleep.
Hey, executioner! Where is he?
If I fall asleep, wake me up. I want to see how I look without my head.
GASPERINO SNORES
- Enough! Wait... - Stop!
Stop the execution!
I told you, it was a joke!
Have you seen? Also the Pope plays tricks now. Dirty tricks.
"His Holiness Pious Pope VII, in his great clemency,
grants the grace to the convict, Marquis Onofrio Del Grillo,
and prevents him from being executed. He also turns the death penalty
- into six months of spiritual retreat." - Long live the Pope!
- Well done! - Good!
Free the prisoner and take him to his palace.
Hurray for the Pope!
Let's leave him in front of his shop!
Let's go!
Here I come!
Hey! It's time?
Where am I?
What's this? Who are you?
Is it my shop?
- Hey! You woke me up! - Don't you dare!
Honey! Luckily you woke me up!
Come here! Where is she? Come here, my beautiful daughter!
Let me kiss you! You woke me up!
I was having such a nightmare... I feel so good in my house!
I love the scent of coal!
I was a Marquis, then they wanted to cut my head...
A monk, a son of a bitch, kept saying: "It's time! "
Holiness, forgive me.
I have already forgiven you, Onofrio.
My joke will prevent you from making jokes forever.
- It will, Holiness. - You were terrified, weren't you? - Not really.
- The head that they were about to cut was not mine. - Wasn't that you? - No.
- And who was it? - It was a poor coalman who looks like me.
Not again!
- "The world is a stairway". - You'll cause my neckbone to break.
"When a Pope dies, a new one comes."
# English translation: lyliakar #
# Thanks to JOSS for providing the ones in Italian #